31.10.03
aiks, so bloated. oh my, didnt realise it's so late already, and i just finished lunch. was at the coffee shop just now and was wondering how come this man looked so familiar. i was thinking whether he was some actor or sth...just someone i'd seen somewhere before but couldnt remember. and lo and behold, he was the owner of the noodles stall. -_- felt so silly.
havent studied for the past few days, been slacking like nobody's business. but it's fun. heh. played wheel of fortune cd-rom just now, it's still as fun! :D it's still the best game show ever... the satisfaction of guessing the answer is the best feeling in the world. i dont want to leave it, this is the best feeling in the world. [yikes, why are all my entries filled with literature quotes. that's what studying does to one's mental stability.] it's always been my dream to go on the programme...haha...ay...it is only silliness. [more quotes! :D]
what the hell's going on. -sighs- it's another of those phases when i cant identify myself.
den* stepped on your garbage at
it's been some time since i last felt this way. this comfort and warmth which doesnt require anyone to spell out with words or even actions. now i know why everything started. you just make me feel good.
to mild creature's dear friend...hope you're feeling better. im kinda worried for you. somehow i have this ill-divining soul, i feel that you've really gotten yourself pretty tangled up this time. if there's anything you need, you know what to do ya? pls take care and dont stress yourself up too much k? :)
there isnt catering of food at the camp. nice chance to shed at least 2 kilograms, cant be any worse than OBS right?
thank god for weekends.
den* stepped on your garbage at
30.10.03
i realise that im slipping back to my old self. the one i took so much effort to struggle away from so as to be a better person. whatever it is, it's appalling. i was fortunate to shed that destestable skin off some years ago, before i continued to hurt more people, but yet it's coming back once more. im hurting more people again, and in the process of self-reflection, i am not left unscathed either. but the irony is that, whenever im not my old self so to speak, i tend to bear all the pain and allow it to fall solely on my shoulders, hence sparing the people around me from needless agony. despite the mutilation it does to myself, i'd still prefer it that way, rather than to sacrifice the happiness of my friends. i really dont mean to. yet perhaps it's accumulated. perhaps i cant bear to see myself wither away and in an attempt to combat the oppression, i inadvertently afflict the pain onto others, thus scarring human relationships.
gastrics attack last night. dared not alert anyone about it, lest i should be forced to the doctor's and be relegated with an awful, dire medical condition.
im at my wit's end.
thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark
den* stepped on your garbage at
28.10.03
my neighbour is beyond my tolerance. now i realise why dad has to stoop to passing sarcastic remarks over our dividing wall because that woman is, seriously, one nutcase. i shut the window right into her face this morning while she was trying to fish some information out of our contractor [information abt the wong family]...and i hate it when ppl are like that. surely it doesnt hurt to be a bit more above-board. sometimes i dont regret making a helluva noise at home with sis, because some ppl just dont deserve respect. now i feel like shouting at her and asking her to get a life. she simply has too much time on her hands.
my left eyelid twitches. what does that signify?
den* stepped on your garbage at
27.10.03
physics prac today...was quite alright. couldnt stand the invigilator for some reason. his voice was nice and deep though. [that's the only plus point i guess]
some freaking idiotic members of the opposite sex drove me nuts in the bus today. for some reason they were passing looks amongst one another after this fucking *pardon the language* guy bumped into me while he walked past me to the back. [i was seated and he was going to the back] could easily guess where they were getting down by their body language and the over-emphasis of eye contact and thus, i shifted in to prevent the same thing from occuring. fortunately, this time nothing happened. other than the little brush of sleeves as he walked to the door.
i detest uncultured guys.
in a rush, ciao.
den* stepped on your garbage at
26.10.03
i am just dying without msn messenger. it's like i knew yash was online just now but couldnt possibly go say hi. will the connection just be restored asap?
cant find my richard clayderman cd. wonder where the folks put it. have to resort to listening to bsb.
i have absolutely no drive to study. have been walking around the house for a few hours. guess i'll wait for sis to come home before i study, cos she'll snatch the comp away from me and i'll be left without a choice. hurhur.
koc is starting to rock. but i still love rnj. haha. think yash and i have really swopped...places? starting to identify with the miserable kingshaw and the sense of inevitability he feels for life.
but there was nothing he would say, nobody to say it to.
den* stepped on your garbage at
i am so in awe...just realised how amazingly capable she is. resourceful, intelligent, patient and nice. the list can just go on and on... -beams-
somehow some sore feelings arose last night, for what reason, i guess it's due to my pathetic pettiness and well, envy. it seems like im falling into this never-so-bad state of obsession and getting out of it is gradually getting tough. in a way, ive kinda lost my sense of direction. there shd be no excuse for acting like some "misbehaved and sullen wench"...okay, the nx line can go along pretty well too, "thou pouts upon thy fortune and thy love". yup, it's time i go count my blessings, and continue to pray for her.
and another thing is that the past is somehow coming back all over again. i dont want it to happen and shall thus refrain from committing myself to useless and foolish things. i will not get myself involved again this time. just last night, it felt like someone was using a scapel to tear open an old wound. apprehension reigns once more.
was fearful that there was physics prac this morning. somehow i dont trust myself and my supposed reliability... i am entirely seized by my horrible self
den* stepped on your garbage at